Blink

just like that and its summertime. blink. its crazy. my apologies for being radio silent for over 2 months now. i really have no excuse other than plain being lazy. i have so many things i want to write about, but somehow have not made it a priority to capture here- which is annoying. i aim to remedy that here in the near future. i also struggle with how plain and somewhat 'blah' i feel my blog is- so i've been researching ways to make it a little more fancy and eye-catching and creative....so stay tuned. no big promises, but hopefully some baby steps of progress.

i have also been lax about being intentional about being present in my life- about recognizing the blessings and joy around me, the simple beautiful moments, the happiness that is all around me and i aim to be better about that too. starting....now. ready......go. 1.....2.......3.......go! seriously- this part especially means a lot to me....i'm in a rich season of life right now and dont want to miss it because it would be the easy thing to do.

thats the beauty of this life- you can blink your eyes, click your heels, say a prayer (not necessarily all three, but you know what i mean) and begin again. New. fresh. clean.

a thank you for fresh starts does not seem like enough to say, but i'm thankful all the same. here i go- starting over again- --again!

Back to Life

I've been in hibernation mode and have been loving it. I've been nesting with my new husband, working, watching basketball, writing thank you notes and trying to settle into my new role as a wife. However, now that it's April, its time to throw open the windows, get some fresh air in the lungs and push into new adventures. I've got many projects in the cooker- a scrapbook to create (I'm not a scrapbooker, but want to document this past year of my life as it's truly been the most amazing so far), a gift to create for my family's Christmas gift (I know, I'm starting early!) I'm itching to become more active (physically and creatively). I'd love to redecorate our den/office area and make it more aesthetically pleasing, I'm planning my landscaping for the year and preparing to plant, I've got some kind of creative bug inside of me that really wants to try some new efforts at expression, I'd love to start entertaining, can't wait to start cooking (experimenting), and baking and I really want to spend more time writing here. All this while staying on our new budget! It's going to require a lot of energy, focus and fun and I secretly cannot wait. I love the month of April.

a fly among shepherds

how did i get here?? that was what was pounding through my mind the other night as i sat in my chair listening and taking notes. you see, I have the honor of writing on my church's creative writing team and was tapped to help with an upcoming project that involves several local churches and on this particular evening, i was attending a pow wow for the head pastors from these churches...(and i was supposed to be there too! whew! crazy!) As i sat just slightly back from the group (so as not to intrude) i was able to hear these amazing leaders encouraging, sharing ideas, supporting one another, joking around, teasing each other, identifying strengths seen in one another's congregations and pointing one another toward the ultimate goal of becoming one (capital C) Church body in this fair city of ours. it was thrilling to glimpse behind the curtain and to see these men who are generally "competing" (in a weird way) with one another- doing exactly the opposite.

Towards the end of the meeting we circled up for prayer and i could not help but feel tears stinging my closed eyelids as i attempted to step outside of myself and capture this beautiful image in my mind. * (*now i'm not claiming to be on par with these gifted men of God by any stretch- i'm just a volunteer writer for goodness sakes!) listening to them pray together, i could not help but lift up my own prayer of thanksgiving for this opportunity to serve, for these incredible men around me as well as a prayer of protection over their lives, ministries and marriages. thank you Lord for this glimpse. thank you for these shepherds in your city and for giving me a chance to be a welcomed fly on the wall among them.

lost in the laundry?

well, i wish i could say that i've been sporting my superhero cape since my last posting and have not been eating sweets...but the truth is, after five solid days of no sweets, i was grouchy, short tempered, depressed and antsy. it started with a simple m&m, which led to bigger and better things like cookies, brownies and more candy. granted, it wasn't consumed all at once, but the sweetness on my tongue has brought back a little bit of joy to my days. the removal and subsequent losing of my "cape" has actually been a good thing. for once i am actually happier for something going missing in the "laundry." i guess i'm not a superhero after all and i'm okay with that.

looking for my cape....

i'm a profound believer in what Lent symbolizes and always want to be mindful of how the giving up of something or "fasting" from something is designed to bring to mind for us the struggle and sacrifice of Christ and all he did for us so long ago on the cross. the beginning of Lent always brings with it an extra dose of self-reflection for me. the church i attend does not really stress the importance or necessity of giving up something for Lent, but that very practice has somehow managed to wind itself around my life in its own way that i have come to enjoy each spring. in my reflection, i seek to discover what it is that i'm clinging to, what is taking my energy and attention, and what is currently eroding my spirit the most and once identified, i then challenge myself to see if i can go without it for the agonizing 40 days of Lent. the past few years, what i have come to discover is that not only can i overcome the personal obstacle for forty days but can actually (gulp) enjoy living without it and often continue the challenge indefinitely.

i've been thinking and i've decided that i'm going to actually go "all-in" this year and give up sweets for Lent. big deal some might say; everyone does that. well- in the past i have not. never. not once have i thought i would be okay without a "little sugar fix here and there" to keep me going throughout my day. for some, going without sweets would seem natural, predictable, boring, right or perhaps even easy. for me? it feels IMPOSSIBLE. i love my sweet, delicious baked goods and candy. love them. absolutely. yes. did i mention that i love them?

in the past, i've learned that i can go without a lot of things, new clothes, added expenses, movies, cable TV, certain flavors, pop, special coffees, entertainment websites and magazines, etc but always in years past, my love of all things sweet has been off-limits for the surrendering-because in my mind, i NEED that to look forward to- to enjoy- to satisfy my craving...and help me to be in a better mood-which is exactly why this year, these beloved sweets have to be on the chopping block. this year, its about sacrifice. its about noticing and remembering and experiencing the void. its about feeling without but finding enough within. its about breaking a really bad habit and throwing away a crutch. its about not making excuses for myself any longer.

i'm not superwoman-but i will probably need to find my superhero cape so i can at least pretend i have super-human strength as i venture forth into these next forty days. goodbye all things sweet and delicious! i'll be missing you!

shaking off the sand...

its a challenge to begin putting to words my experiences these past couple of weeks. i feel like i've been living a wonderful dream...i'm now married to my dream guy! we exchanged our vows surrounded by friends and loved ones on a gorgeous day in February and started our happily ever after with a trip to mexico which i am now convinced may be heaven on earth. over our ten blissful days out of the country, we managed to completely escape reality, avoided all news media and connection with the outside world, we ate gourmet food at every meal, spent most all of our waking ours on the beach, sipped tropical drinks, managed to get a little bit tan, caught up on our rest and relished our oasis from the overall hustle and bustle of life. needless to say, as i've spent the past several days unpacking, doing laundry, trying to get the house in order and returning to work...i'm having difficulties shaking off the sand.

Oh, Heavenly Day!

its 70 degrees outside and its february and its kansas! that miracle is just the Master's thumbprint on an already spectacular day of celebration! today i get to marry the man of my dreams! He is an answer to my prayers and a blessing to me in every single way. I'm so excited to become his wife and marvel at the journey God has brought us on to get to this heavenly day.

thinking about what is ahead, i cannot help but reflect on what is behind...and the main lessons i've learned over this season of friendship and courtship with my sweet fiance. As I've grown closer to Joe, i've also grown in my relationship to Christ- and these things I know for sure:

He makes deserts bloom
He makes all things new.
He is the giver of life.
He is the artist who dreams dreams for us that
are simply more than we could ever ask or imagine.
His ways are not ours, but they are magnificent in their splendor and mystery.
I'm honored to become Joe's wife today.
Thank you, God!
Oh, Heavenly Day!