Finishing Well

2008 is almost in the books so i decided to do some reflecting over my last 365 days here on this planet and came up with the top 13 happenings that impacted my life this year....

13. the election. it was historic. it was l-o-n-g. it was interesting. and it was exciting to see our country so energized about the political process. while there is no magic 8 ball to predict what the future will bring for #44, my prayers are with him as he steps forward to lead our nation during this challenging era.

12. Facebook. After months of pressure, i finally caved and joined facebook. i resisted, mocked, scoffed and now i am one of the people encouraging others to join. against my better instincts, i have truly loved reconnecting and being in touch with so many wonderful friends from many circles in life. seeing their beautiful faces and hearing their "voices" has reminded me how rich and blessed i am to call so many friends.

11. sports. seriously. over this past year, i've gotten to watch some of the greatest sporting moments in history (and SI just confirmed this!)- the superbowl miracle catch, KU winning it all in March, Tiger and Rocco's marathon match up, federer and nadal's record wimbledon match (which i confess we went out for breakfast in the middle of the match only to return and watch the final 5th set played in the near dark!) the olympics, my cousin's final senior home football game...there is something compelling about watching people literally reaching for their goals and living their dreams out loud right before your eyes. you cant help but cheer and become emotionally involved! (at least i cant!)

10. women's ministry. this year i actually became involved with serving in the women's ministry at our church. i've been attending women's functions for the past year or so, but having typically been involved with the singles ministry, i'd never committed to serving elsewhere. so as i began feeling my life and priorities change, i decided to breathe deeply and jump into a new pond of women and start over on the whole "making new friends at church" adventure. however, what i discovered is that among the beautiful women in different life stages, the mothers, the wives and the others there- i found friendship, welcome and warmth. there were not only familiar faces there but new lovely ones as well. committing to serving was all it took for me to step out of my comfort zone and get involved. why is that hard for me to do? i don't know, but it is- but this side of it- i'm glad i jumped.

9. Heartland Assist Training. this year i began attending twice monthly trainings on how to best help others in the body of Christ who may be suffering or struggling. our church's assist program began hosting these trainings for people asked to help out or who naturally help others in this capacity. at first i was very nervous because the room was filled with faces i had seen, but did not know well. but as we all sat together in room 5N through the months and seasons, we have cried, laughed, learned, shared, grown, prayed, challenged and encouraged one another along our journey. i now easily identify these once unknown faces as friends and colleagues and i'm so, so thankful to know that i can rely upon them for wisdom, leadership, encouragement and a good old fashioned giant hug when i see them. These nights and this community have been a wonderful addition to my life over this past year. I've not only grown in knowledge, but in my faith as a result.

8. discovering blogs. i know it sounds crazy, but i spent a lot of time reading other people's blogs this past year. 1) because i knew i secretly wanted to start my own, but feared i had nothing of worth to say and 2) because i was personally energized from so many of them that i just wanted to keep reading them! Seriously, there are tremendously gifted writers in this world, people who share their talents of writing, cooking, photography, creative expression, home decorating...on and on. i've finally narrowed down my list of favorites to a few which i still regularly check, and i have found my heart skipping a few beats with excitement when i have time to enjoy the wonderful, inspiring blogging talents of others.

7. the economy. while its an impact felt globally, its impact for me was more heart-felt. i too received my troubling financial statements, watched the depressing news, felt the pinch, ached over the layoffs of friends and worried about my own account balances. but more than any of the negatives, i was overwhelmed by the reminder of the goodness i've been blessed with in my life. my lovely home, my car that runs, my job, my clothes, my warm blankets on my bed, my laptop, my books, my heater that works, my..... on and on i could go. I was reminded that God gives us enough. He provides what we need...and every time i see the glaring headlines or hear that stock market bell on the news, i am overwhelmed with gratitude and thank Him for the security in my heart when i don't necessarily feel it at the ATM.

6. a new small group. sometimes it takes me a long time to adapt to change. sometimes i don't like it (change) but i know it is right and good. that is how i felt about joining a new small group this year. i was not excited to leave the comforts of my close circle of friends that i'd been meeting with for years and years. not thrilled about leaving girls who knew me, had seen me through dark days and had cheered with me on the good ones....but i knew it was time to branch out. so i did. this year i stepped out (although not with the best heart attitude) and joined a new group of kind, accepting and welcoming women that i did not know. they were consistent and our discussions were rich. i'm better as a result of knowing and spending time with them. it was a good exercise for me in putting myself out there a little bit more. something i can always stand to do more of...

5. Grandma's fall. it was in late august when my 90 year old sweet grandmother turned to wave to some friends, lost her balance and fell badly. she fractured two vertebrae in her neck, cracked her pelvis and where most 90 year olds would stagger under the demands of physical therapy, my grandmother has rallied. today she is not the same physically as she was before but with her walker in front of her and a little bit of supervision for safety, she has bounced back. her personality still has some sass and she's determined to get down the aisle at our wedding. i love that and cannot wait to see my brother escorting her down the aisle. i love her fight and i love her giggle.

4. began writing for the creative writing team at church. again, this is something that has been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time...the whisper of "you should try that." but i never did, until this year. i pulled the trigger and submitted an audition piece and have felt welcomed, supported, included and necessary to the team ever since. while its a team in transition as our church changes and prepares to grow, i LOVE being part of this creative group who also loves words and writing the way that i do. its a team of kindred spirits and i LOVE having an avenue of challenge (with a deadline!) for my writing.

3. being celebrated and loved by friends and family. as news of our engagement spread, i was overwhelmed by the love that poured out from so many corners of the world for us. the cards, the emails, the cds sent in the mail filled with wedding music, the generous and beautiful gifts, the time spent hosting events for us, the excitement, the questions asked, the celebrations, the advice given, the hugs, the tears, the sheer joy, the welcome extended from his family to me as well as from my family to him- what an absolute BLESSING. i wish this experience of love on everyone i know. all the time. always! i pray that i will never forget this feeling of being loved, cherished and celebrated by the people i care about most.

2. onefancygirl. it may seem silly, but i'm actually one of those people who used to love it when her seventh grade english teacher would give the class a journal topic to write about at the beginning of class.... i seriously couldn't wait to sit down with my pencil and write in my spiral notebook. what i said, i have no idea, but i loved the thought provoking questions posed by design to get us thinking and writing. i still love that process today. writing is one of my great passions-only its one that until this year, i never told anyone about because i was afraid i would have nothing to say and people would think i was a terrible writer. (and you might!) but this was the year that i decided i no longer wanted to live with that fear looming over me and i started this little blog. i know i have not been the most regular writer here, but i find great joy knowing that it exists and that i could be writing on it. no matter if its read or not, i'm writing! and that is a giant victory for me!

1. my engagement! without a doubt the high point of my entire year was my engagement to my dream guy. words fail me as i try to express how excited i am to become his wife. our engagement day was the most beautiful, memorable and happy day i've experienced to date- and i am CERTAIN that our upcoming wedding day will be a heavenly one as well. he is my partner on the adventure and an answer to my prayers. i'm absolutely crazy about him and i cannot wait to officially begin our lives together. oh heavenly day...

i'm fortunate to be able to see great change in my life over the past year and am excited for what is ahead in the next one- may all of our next years be filled with love, laughter, warmth, excitement and adventure. 2009 here we come!

running low, powering down and rebooting

why is it that we tend to run ourselves and our things completely out before we replace, rest or restore them? for example, in the past month, i've replaced batteries in three smoke detectors (thanks to their incessant chirping reminders), my trusty purple flashlight (as it dimmed when i needed it for reading), my remote control (when i had to actually -gasp- get out of bed to turn my tv off), my cell phone (praise God!) after being able to speak for only three minutes at a time before my phone would automatically turn off, and i also watched a car battery receive a jump start in my garage from those dear folks at AAA.

as all of these portable power sources seemed to fizzle out in a short period of time, i began pondering my own internal "battery" of personal power which often feels as if it too needs jumps, replacements and recharging from time to time. by not plugging myself into the true life Source and not taking care to strengthen and restore my body with rest and exercise, i'm learning that i inversely expedite the depletion of my emotional, spiritual and physical energy levels. feeling low in these areas lends itself to my becoming overwhelmed and i often find myself retreating into unintentional living and personal drift where just getting by, bare minimums, and good enough are the standards.

now, i don't like the land of unintentional living and personal drift. i long to be purposeful with the way i live my life. i want to be present, fully alive and experiencing the moments in my days- not letting them zoom by in a flurry of activity, busyness or numbness. living intentionally is about doing the little things well. little things like taking time to pray and actually pouring your heart out to God. it's writing in a journal, making a bed, calling a friend and enjoying a conversation while on the couch instead of in the car while driving from place to place. it's putting away laundry, not wearing a watch, emptying the dishwasher, brewing some delicious coffee, savoring a homemade pot of soup, picking up the house and lighting a few candles a long the way. its dwelling and seeking out the beauty in the simple and appreciating the joy that ignites in your heart as a result.

like smoke detectors, people have built in "chirps" alerting us when our power supply is running low and when we are starting to drift away from living with intention and purpose. only unlike smoke detectors, others cant hear our inner alarm's chirps to know when to step in and help -we must be the ones to ask for the help, love, time, nurturing and space that we need. (which ironically can often require a lot of that non-existent energy!) by ignoring my own silent "chirp" i have managed to spiral myself into a sort of "power down" situation which hasn't been pretty. it feels like in order to stop living unintentionally my heart's joy "battery" desperately requires no less than a jump start from the Expert. in addition to that, my spirit is desperate for some serious rest and my attitude could just use a plain old replacement! (i know, it's a tall order!)

but thank goodness that God is our master "inner battery" recharger, replacer and rebooter. He knows what we need and longs to provide it for us and i'm so thankful. for me, things are slowly starting to turn around. sunday my sweet guy lent me his strength and after truly listening and hearing my heart, helped me to move some furniture i've been avoiding. he also helped me with various chores that seemed "big" to me in my state of low emotional energy and gave me space, quiet and unconditional love enabling me to feel at rest.

i know God has been whispering my name for weeks but its been difficult to hear for all the inner "chirping" and outer ignoring and whirling around i've been doing. I know He's been wanting me to reconnect with him and allow him to refill my heart and refresh my spirit. he longs to be my true power source and so tonight i'm staying in with the sole purpose of simply letting him. i'm learning that sometimes fully powering down is necessary to become fully recharged and ready to go again.

hogwash, hooey and my own hot air

we interrupt this program to bring you some hot air...

as a weather buff, i've been getting excited thinking about the prospect of snow flurries, accumulations, sleet, ice, freezing rain, snow drifts, and even shoveling my driveway! however, barely a flake has fallen this season.

every day i check the blog of our local weather man (who is pretty accurate in his predictions) but even lately his blog has been not only depressing, but frustrating! yes. i'm officially tired of all the hogwash, hooey, smoke and mirrors displayed on the weatherman's blog as of late. i'm tired of wading through all the computer models, meteorological lingo talk followed by summary statements saying that its too difficult to forecast right now, about how the models (that i just waded through trying to understand) are often wrong and that they "really cant say" what is going to happen right now because the model is showing "too far out." they (the weather bloggers) then follow this up with how they will really explain it on the 10pm newscast. don't they realize that i am reading the blog because i don't want to watch the news at night?? i hate when they try to trick me into watching the news. (and i admit i sometimes do tune in to hear them explain the "difficult weather pattern.") but i'm really going to try and hold off on that now. i'm officially tired- like i just told you.

so. that being said, i've decided to rely on my future husband's trusty (or rusty?) fourth knuckle on his right hand which gets achy when the weather is about to change. i've heard of this happening to people but have never personally experienced this phenomenon. however, his little achy knuckle seems to be a lot more faithful, reliable and accurate these days- and much less frustrating. whew! i'm glad i have him around....and regardless of my weather frustration woes, i'm still dreaming of a white Christmas.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program....sorry.

a glimpse of...

a few of our engagement photos...

thank you todd- you did a beautiful job!