running low, powering down and rebooting

why is it that we tend to run ourselves and our things completely out before we replace, rest or restore them? for example, in the past month, i've replaced batteries in three smoke detectors (thanks to their incessant chirping reminders), my trusty purple flashlight (as it dimmed when i needed it for reading), my remote control (when i had to actually -gasp- get out of bed to turn my tv off), my cell phone (praise God!) after being able to speak for only three minutes at a time before my phone would automatically turn off, and i also watched a car battery receive a jump start in my garage from those dear folks at AAA.

as all of these portable power sources seemed to fizzle out in a short period of time, i began pondering my own internal "battery" of personal power which often feels as if it too needs jumps, replacements and recharging from time to time. by not plugging myself into the true life Source and not taking care to strengthen and restore my body with rest and exercise, i'm learning that i inversely expedite the depletion of my emotional, spiritual and physical energy levels. feeling low in these areas lends itself to my becoming overwhelmed and i often find myself retreating into unintentional living and personal drift where just getting by, bare minimums, and good enough are the standards.

now, i don't like the land of unintentional living and personal drift. i long to be purposeful with the way i live my life. i want to be present, fully alive and experiencing the moments in my days- not letting them zoom by in a flurry of activity, busyness or numbness. living intentionally is about doing the little things well. little things like taking time to pray and actually pouring your heart out to God. it's writing in a journal, making a bed, calling a friend and enjoying a conversation while on the couch instead of in the car while driving from place to place. it's putting away laundry, not wearing a watch, emptying the dishwasher, brewing some delicious coffee, savoring a homemade pot of soup, picking up the house and lighting a few candles a long the way. its dwelling and seeking out the beauty in the simple and appreciating the joy that ignites in your heart as a result.

like smoke detectors, people have built in "chirps" alerting us when our power supply is running low and when we are starting to drift away from living with intention and purpose. only unlike smoke detectors, others cant hear our inner alarm's chirps to know when to step in and help -we must be the ones to ask for the help, love, time, nurturing and space that we need. (which ironically can often require a lot of that non-existent energy!) by ignoring my own silent "chirp" i have managed to spiral myself into a sort of "power down" situation which hasn't been pretty. it feels like in order to stop living unintentionally my heart's joy "battery" desperately requires no less than a jump start from the Expert. in addition to that, my spirit is desperate for some serious rest and my attitude could just use a plain old replacement! (i know, it's a tall order!)

but thank goodness that God is our master "inner battery" recharger, replacer and rebooter. He knows what we need and longs to provide it for us and i'm so thankful. for me, things are slowly starting to turn around. sunday my sweet guy lent me his strength and after truly listening and hearing my heart, helped me to move some furniture i've been avoiding. he also helped me with various chores that seemed "big" to me in my state of low emotional energy and gave me space, quiet and unconditional love enabling me to feel at rest.

i know God has been whispering my name for weeks but its been difficult to hear for all the inner "chirping" and outer ignoring and whirling around i've been doing. I know He's been wanting me to reconnect with him and allow him to refill my heart and refresh my spirit. he longs to be my true power source and so tonight i'm staying in with the sole purpose of simply letting him. i'm learning that sometimes fully powering down is necessary to become fully recharged and ready to go again.