one Fancy girl

how do you begin a blog? its kind of like starting mid-story and trying to catch people up on what they've missed so far...hard to do and never quite as good as actually being there from the start. while wondering what to write about first, a nudge came to me the other night in the form of a surprise, secret gift i was given by my future husband. He surprised me with a book called 'the lucky one'- which for me was like receiving many gifts at once- but also a clear reminder of how truly lucky and fortunate i am in my life. *

a little about me...i am blessed with parents who love, encourage and support me. i am an older sister to an amazing, adventurous, brave and hilarious brother who lives far away and who i miss tremendously. i am in the process of joyously preparing to marry the absolute love of my life. i try to laugh at myself at least once a day. I enjoy finding beauty in the small moments and i get to live in a cozy, beautiful, oasis of a home in a city i love. i am paid to spend my working time talking with children who remind me to be thankful for what i have been given. i am wrapped in friendship's delightful embrace thanks to the circle of life-giving girlfriends i've met along this path. i feel happy in this moment. i feel scared in this moment and i feel richly blessed in this moment. i've always known i have been been given more than my heart can hold, so in honor of that recognition, i'm officially now going to work on slowing down, soaking it all in and relishing the beauty of my journey...knowing i'm one of the lucky ones.

starting a blog is weird. before beginning this adventure, i had to reconcile that for the most part i really am just writing and doing all this for myself. as a self-confessed non-techie person, i have to confess a secret joy that i have managed to develop a technical avenue of creative expression for myself where one did not exist before. i admit that in starting this process, i feel exposed, vulnerable, but also amazingly free. i have been reading other's blogs for several months in preparation to start this little gem, and honestly, the more i read, the more intimidated and impressed i became by everyone's ability to communicate, share and express themselves. i struggled with how to best "present" myself to the "world"- and finally landed on just being my raw, real, authentic self. so this blog is a documentation of my journey that will be true to the real girl who lives inside my heart who is trying to grow in love, grow her wings and also do these things in spite of her stumbles along the way.

a decade or so ago, i came to affectionately know, recognize and love this authentic girl within me. she looks just exactly like me, but secretly (and not so secretly sometimes) does not have the shyness, or social graces that sometimes people associate with me. this authentic girl within is the one who admits and shares real fears, struggles and the triumphs of her heart. she's the girl who sticks her foot in her mouth, does embarrassing things, secretly longs to wear sweats and hoodies all the time, sings loudly to her radio and dances like crazy around her house when no one is watching. she's the girl who really wants to learn to cook for her future husband and continues striving toward developing strength of spirit and character. this real girl within me loves to eat, drink wine and laugh with those she cherishes the most. she has a giant capacity to love, desires to develop and nurture her creative streak and relishes the opportunity to be exactly where she is in her life. this authentic girl within my heart possesses an ability to seemingly have it somewhat together, but secretly knows she is one heartbeat away from being discovered as the girl who totally doesn't.

years ago, while playing a serious game of spite and malice (cards), i explained the true identity of my inner self to my dear friend, amy. it was during this conversation that i affectionately named this true, authentic "self" Fancy- and hence, that is where the title of this blog comes from. this blog is all about this journey toward finding my authentic wings while growing in my ability to give and receive authentic love --yes, the adventures and musings of one Fancy girl.
welcome to my journey.

*ps. thank you J for the beautiful, thoughtful reminder of my lovely lot in life and for truly loving this fancy girl inside and out.