i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. recently my heart has been impacted by people's goodness, generosity and random acts of kindness. the first time was when a group of friends and i were enjoying some minsky's pizza in PV- when our waitress informed us that a couple who had been dining nearby had left fifty dollars towards our bill- cash. (kind act one) the fact that our waitress told us what had happened and didn't just pocket the cash was actually amazing as well. (so, i'm counting that as kind act two).
the one took place last winter when my fiance and i traveled to visit some friends in Santa Barbara for my birthday. we had been enjoying a FANTASTIC meal at this place called Plow and Angel- of San Yisidro Ranch fame. at the end of the evening, our waiter shared that someone had anonymously called the restaurant and specifically requested to pay $100 toward our tab! to this day the four of us STILL do not know who that secret angel's identity. (but their generosity was tremendously appreciated!)
then the fourth kind act took place last spring when i was (of all places)-in line at chipoltle. i was crammed into the line along with dozens of others as we patiently waited for our burritos and bowls to be made. when i went to pay for my order, the two beaming check out girls informed me that the person in front of me had paid for my meal. as i stood there incredulously, they shared that every friday the same anonymous woman comes in right as the lunch rush is getting ready to boom and begins the "pay it backward" phenomenon buying lunch for the person in line behind her....which is then perpetually carried out through the entire lunch rush as person after person upon learning of the kind act, duplicates it for the person behind them in line. it was staggering and beautiful and i joyfully paid for the random guy in line behind me's tacos with guac.
another experience took place about a month ago when i arrived home after a long day/evening. to find a freshly autographed brand new book by Nicholas Sparks in my mailbox. nicholas sparks wrote one of my favorite books of all time (the Notebook) and knowing this, my sweet guy (my fiance was revealed as the secret angel in this one) attended the book signing on the plaza with about 800 women and 7 other guys. now he didn't just get the book signed, oh no. he sat, he listened, he took notes on what nicholas shared about writing, he purchased the book and he got it signed for me- all as a surprise- just because he knew it would make me happy.
the sixth recent kind act took place last week when i went to check my mailbox and discovered that some sweet secret angel had left me a package of my favorite chocolate zingers! there was no card, no name, not anything other than that sweet treasure left for me to find and enjoy! not too many people know of my secret love affair with the chocolate zinger- which makes it that much more special and personal.
Halloween marked yet another random act of kindness experience. i was having a delicious and hilarious breakfast with my pal Jessica...something we love to do. we were oblivious to those seated nearby and were utterly shocked when our waiter told us with delight on his face that someone had already picked up our tab and left. so basically, while we sat there sipping our beverages and nibbling on pancakes, this mystery gentleman secretly went about making our days with this random act of kindness.
these people- some known to me and some not- all have one thing in common. they remembered to put on their secret invisible angel wings and use them! we all have these wings. the trick is remembering to put them on and then seizing opportunities to put them to use by spreading joy in this dark world and giving kindness where it is least expected.
i speak from experience when i say: people will remember that you did this. they might not realize that it was you who specifically made their day, but rest assured, their hearts will be touched, they will tell others about their experience and they may even go on to "pay it forward" and bless someone else as a result. the ripple effect cannot help but be bigger than we can imagine. so i wish to express my own gratitude to the kindness angels who have touched my heart and life recently. i do not know who most of you are, but you have impacted my life by giving me glimpses of beauty in the world and a restored belief in the innate goodness of people. thank you. i can see your secret wings.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
capturing joy
we took our engagement photos yesterday. the afternoon began as a stunningly beautiful fall day- sunshine, vibrant leaves falling from the trees, a crispness to the air... however, as the afternoon wore on and the time for our shoot approached, our enjoyment of the autumnal glory began rapidly diminishing thanks to 30-40mph wind gusts and falling temperatures. it was something to behold. as we stood smiling and shivering out in the elements, i was reminded again for the millionth time that i'm engaged to a very wonderful, fun loving and easy going man...in whose company amidst those "conditions" i still had a fantastic time.
as the wind blew our hair all crazy over and over, we laughed, we huddled closer and kept each other entertained with smooches, jokes, squeezes and dreams about our future. the windy conditions forced us to just let go and make peace with the fact that "photographic perfection" was beyond our control and in doing so, we were able to embrace the authentic and just truly enjoy ourselves. for me, being released from the worry of whether my hair was in place allowed me to feel more like myself, relax and savor the happiness of the occasion with my fiance. i never want to forget looking at his smiling face or the twinkle in his eye as he looked at me amidst the sunshine and wild wind whipping around us. even though i know i probably looked a little crazy all windblown and chilled, in my heart i felt beautiful and extremely happy.
later, after returning home, i couldn't help but smile as i tried to untangle my hair realizing that for me, the afternoon's shoot was simply a bubble of absolute joy-the kind of joy you want to bottle up and save for a rainy day. and being the fortunate kind of gal that i am, i get to actually do that thanks to my dear friend (and our photographer) todd who was there to capture all of it with his camera. so much is changing in my life right now and knowing that i will have photographic reminders for the rest of my life of those joyful, fun, freezing, love-filled, laughter inducing and windblown moments in time yesterday is a gift for which i am especially grateful.
as the wind blew our hair all crazy over and over, we laughed, we huddled closer and kept each other entertained with smooches, jokes, squeezes and dreams about our future. the windy conditions forced us to just let go and make peace with the fact that "photographic perfection" was beyond our control and in doing so, we were able to embrace the authentic and just truly enjoy ourselves. for me, being released from the worry of whether my hair was in place allowed me to feel more like myself, relax and savor the happiness of the occasion with my fiance. i never want to forget looking at his smiling face or the twinkle in his eye as he looked at me amidst the sunshine and wild wind whipping around us. even though i know i probably looked a little crazy all windblown and chilled, in my heart i felt beautiful and extremely happy.
later, after returning home, i couldn't help but smile as i tried to untangle my hair realizing that for me, the afternoon's shoot was simply a bubble of absolute joy-the kind of joy you want to bottle up and save for a rainy day. and being the fortunate kind of gal that i am, i get to actually do that thanks to my dear friend (and our photographer) todd who was there to capture all of it with his camera. so much is changing in my life right now and knowing that i will have photographic reminders for the rest of my life of those joyful, fun, freezing, love-filled, laughter inducing and windblown moments in time yesterday is a gift for which i am especially grateful.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Can it Be???
i know, two posts in one day. but that is not the real shocker...
people who know me well have been "stunned," "shocked," and "thrilled" at my new adventure into the world of facebook. for months from all avenues (it seemed) i have been feeling a lot of pressure to join this wild west of the internet (as i like to imagine it). i have always denied that i would ever join and have actually used the word "never" and scoffed when talking about facebook. however, realizing that people dont really email as much as they post on facebook and that i was losing my personal crusade against social networking, i finally gave into the peer pressure and signed up. And i have to say- to date (today is day four of my facebook adventure), its been a pretty wild ride.
so far i've heard from close friends who have been taunting me with the wonders of facebook fun for a long time, old friends i havent seen since college, friends from elementary school, friends from the street i grew up on as a kid, friends from church and friends of friends i havent seen since weddings or births of babies. i confess its actually been a little bit fun and a lot overwhelming. i still do not know how to really find people or post pictures or chat or post anything, but i have loved seeing what everyone has been up to. its reminded me that i have hilarious, interesting, amazing and fantastic friends all over the world and its been a joy to see your smiling and beautiful faces on my computer screen this past week.
people who know me well have been "stunned," "shocked," and "thrilled" at my new adventure into the world of facebook. for months from all avenues (it seemed) i have been feeling a lot of pressure to join this wild west of the internet (as i like to imagine it). i have always denied that i would ever join and have actually used the word "never" and scoffed when talking about facebook. however, realizing that people dont really email as much as they post on facebook and that i was losing my personal crusade against social networking, i finally gave into the peer pressure and signed up. And i have to say- to date (today is day four of my facebook adventure), its been a pretty wild ride.
so far i've heard from close friends who have been taunting me with the wonders of facebook fun for a long time, old friends i havent seen since college, friends from elementary school, friends from the street i grew up on as a kid, friends from church and friends of friends i havent seen since weddings or births of babies. i confess its actually been a little bit fun and a lot overwhelming. i still do not know how to really find people or post pictures or chat or post anything, but i have loved seeing what everyone has been up to. its reminded me that i have hilarious, interesting, amazing and fantastic friends all over the world and its been a joy to see your smiling and beautiful faces on my computer screen this past week.
Feeling Under Duress
there is something especially decadent about a friday evening spent at home in your pjs. its extra lovely if you've had a really long, tiring week and have just finished an ice cream sandwich (and have a yummy autumn inspired candle burning).
its been one of those weeks we all have from time to time where you don't get to sit down, barely get to check your emails, have to get up early and fall into bed at night still holding a long list of to-dos that remain undone -weeks where you just didn't have enough time in your hours. it has been a week like that for me. over the past week in my professional world, i spent many hours in various courthouses around the area - all because i had to be there. sometimes i was on the witness stand, but mostly i sat in various hallways and witness waiting rooms and areas- feeling like i was being held hostage from my life in a way. you see, in these various rooms and hallways, you're not really allowed to speak with those around you, its frowned upon if you chat on your phone for extended periods of time (and most of your friends are working anyways), you honestly can only review your cases for so long and then you are just there sitting in quiet. no email, no conversation, no phone- isolated from the world and w-a-i-t-i-n-g. (okay so that might be a tad dramatic but it feels true).
so at one point this week as i sat on the witness stand watching a jury watch me, i couldn't help but think that they too were being held hostage a little bit. here they were, 12 strangers forced to sit, listen, be still, be quiet, be out of touch with their friends, family and world...and forced to listen to me speak. i felt for them because those chairs are not comfortable and what i was saying was not pleasant to listen to or hear about. but i felt that they were somehow able to understand my plight: we were all probably wishing we were somewhere else that was a little bit more comfortable and a lot more fun.
don't get me wrong, we were all there in these various courtrooms and courthouses for a good purpose. we were fulfilling our duty as citizens and public servants and i would do it all again tomorrow if necessary, but sometimes when you are going into hour 4 or 5 of just sitting and waiting for your name to be called...and its the third day in a row you've had to do this...well...let me just say it makes you pretty happy when your name gets called, you share your testimony with the court and are then released. the best words you can hear in that situation are "the witness may step down and is released."
hearing that phrase is like telling a child its recess time- you can GO! yes! you are free now to go and do whatever you want whenever you want! unfortunately i was exhausted so i chose to come home to my cozy house, put on my pjs, pour a glass of wine, watch a few minutes of the Ghost Whisperer (what is that show by the way?) flipped open my laptop and emailed, blogged, and facebooked with my friends and am now trying to decide what i want to do next. ahh personal freedom. what a gift it is. i certainly have an improved appreciation for it tonight.
its been one of those weeks we all have from time to time where you don't get to sit down, barely get to check your emails, have to get up early and fall into bed at night still holding a long list of to-dos that remain undone -weeks where you just didn't have enough time in your hours. it has been a week like that for me. over the past week in my professional world, i spent many hours in various courthouses around the area - all because i had to be there. sometimes i was on the witness stand, but mostly i sat in various hallways and witness waiting rooms and areas- feeling like i was being held hostage from my life in a way. you see, in these various rooms and hallways, you're not really allowed to speak with those around you, its frowned upon if you chat on your phone for extended periods of time (and most of your friends are working anyways), you honestly can only review your cases for so long and then you are just there sitting in quiet. no email, no conversation, no phone- isolated from the world and w-a-i-t-i-n-g. (okay so that might be a tad dramatic but it feels true).
so at one point this week as i sat on the witness stand watching a jury watch me, i couldn't help but think that they too were being held hostage a little bit. here they were, 12 strangers forced to sit, listen, be still, be quiet, be out of touch with their friends, family and world...and forced to listen to me speak. i felt for them because those chairs are not comfortable and what i was saying was not pleasant to listen to or hear about. but i felt that they were somehow able to understand my plight: we were all probably wishing we were somewhere else that was a little bit more comfortable and a lot more fun.
don't get me wrong, we were all there in these various courtrooms and courthouses for a good purpose. we were fulfilling our duty as citizens and public servants and i would do it all again tomorrow if necessary, but sometimes when you are going into hour 4 or 5 of just sitting and waiting for your name to be called...and its the third day in a row you've had to do this...well...let me just say it makes you pretty happy when your name gets called, you share your testimony with the court and are then released. the best words you can hear in that situation are "the witness may step down and is released."
hearing that phrase is like telling a child its recess time- you can GO! yes! you are free now to go and do whatever you want whenever you want! unfortunately i was exhausted so i chose to come home to my cozy house, put on my pjs, pour a glass of wine, watch a few minutes of the Ghost Whisperer (what is that show by the way?) flipped open my laptop and emailed, blogged, and facebooked with my friends and am now trying to decide what i want to do next. ahh personal freedom. what a gift it is. i certainly have an improved appreciation for it tonight.
Monday, October 13, 2008
irony
every monday morning, i seem to slide into a funk i tend to refer to as the " monday morning re-entry blues." its nothing clinical- its more along the lines of a heavy hearted recognition that another wonderful weekend has come to a close and i'm just at the beginning of the steep climb toward friday. during these monday mornings, my mind tends to be filled with memories i wish could be frozen in time- lunches with dear friends, pedicures, facials, new fun makeup, sunshine filled fall days, candlelight, romantic meals, card games, laughter, stolen moments, important conversations, wedding plans, beautiful afternoons spent in a park... the good stuff in life. so ironically, i only feel down because i have known so much good.
yesterday at church our pastor was speaking of the unrest people are feeling in their hearts and lives these days thanks to the economy, elections, wars, health issues, personal crisis etc. and as i listened to him rattle off reason after reason why it would be logical to be upset or feel unsettled these days- in my heart, the realization clicked that in this crazy moment in world history- i personally have never felt happier or more excited about life. that beautiful recognition brought tears to my eyes. i caught a glimpse of my life's abundance and its beauty was almost too much for my heart to hold. i love how that sometimes happens-and its usually when you least expect it.
yesterday at church our pastor was speaking of the unrest people are feeling in their hearts and lives these days thanks to the economy, elections, wars, health issues, personal crisis etc. and as i listened to him rattle off reason after reason why it would be logical to be upset or feel unsettled these days- in my heart, the realization clicked that in this crazy moment in world history- i personally have never felt happier or more excited about life. that beautiful recognition brought tears to my eyes. i caught a glimpse of my life's abundance and its beauty was almost too much for my heart to hold. i love how that sometimes happens-and its usually when you least expect it.
Friday, October 10, 2008
one Fancy girl
how do you begin a blog? its kind of like starting mid-story and trying to catch people up on what they've missed so far...hard to do and never quite as good as actually being there from the start. while wondering what to write about first, a nudge came to me the other night in the form of a surprise, secret gift i was given by my future husband. He surprised me with a book called 'the lucky one'- which for me was like receiving many gifts at once- but also a clear reminder of how truly lucky and fortunate i am in my life. *
a little about me...i am blessed with parents who love, encourage and support me. i am an older sister to an amazing, adventurous, brave and hilarious brother who lives far away and who i miss tremendously. i am in the process of joyously preparing to marry the absolute love of my life. i try to laugh at myself at least once a day. I enjoy finding beauty in the small moments and i get to live in a cozy, beautiful, oasis of a home in a city i love. i am paid to spend my working time talking with children who remind me to be thankful for what i have been given. i am wrapped in friendship's delightful embrace thanks to the circle of life-giving girlfriends i've met along this path. i feel happy in this moment. i feel scared in this moment and i feel richly blessed in this moment. i've always known i have been been given more than my heart can hold, so in honor of that recognition, i'm officially now going to work on slowing down, soaking it all in and relishing the beauty of my journey...knowing i'm one of the lucky ones.
starting a blog is weird. before beginning this adventure, i had to reconcile that for the most part i really am just writing and doing all this for myself. as a self-confessed non-techie person, i have to confess a secret joy that i have managed to develop a technical avenue of creative expression for myself where one did not exist before. i admit that in starting this process, i feel exposed, vulnerable, but also amazingly free. i have been reading other's blogs for several months in preparation to start this little gem, and honestly, the more i read, the more intimidated and impressed i became by everyone's ability to communicate, share and express themselves. i struggled with how to best "present" myself to the "world"- and finally landed on just being my raw, real, authentic self. so this blog is a documentation of my journey that will be true to the real girl who lives inside my heart who is trying to grow in love, grow her wings and also do these things in spite of her stumbles along the way.
a decade or so ago, i came to affectionately know, recognize and love this authentic girl within me. she looks just exactly like me, but secretly (and not so secretly sometimes) does not have the shyness, or social graces that sometimes people associate with me. this authentic girl within is the one who admits and shares real fears, struggles and the triumphs of her heart. she's the girl who sticks her foot in her mouth, does embarrassing things, secretly longs to wear sweats and hoodies all the time, sings loudly to her radio and dances like crazy around her house when no one is watching. she's the girl who really wants to learn to cook for her future husband and continues striving toward developing strength of spirit and character. this real girl within me loves to eat, drink wine and laugh with those she cherishes the most. she has a giant capacity to love, desires to develop and nurture her creative streak and relishes the opportunity to be exactly where she is in her life. this authentic girl within my heart possesses an ability to seemingly have it somewhat together, but secretly knows she is one heartbeat away from being discovered as the girl who totally doesn't.
years ago, while playing a serious game of spite and malice (cards), i explained the true identity of my inner self to my dear friend, amy. it was during this conversation that i affectionately named this true, authentic "self" Fancy- and hence, that is where the title of this blog comes from. this blog is all about this journey toward finding my authentic wings while growing in my ability to give and receive authentic love --yes, the adventures and musings of one Fancy girl.
welcome to my journey.
*ps. thank you J for the beautiful, thoughtful reminder of my lovely lot in life and for truly loving this fancy girl inside and out.
a little about me...i am blessed with parents who love, encourage and support me. i am an older sister to an amazing, adventurous, brave and hilarious brother who lives far away and who i miss tremendously. i am in the process of joyously preparing to marry the absolute love of my life. i try to laugh at myself at least once a day. I enjoy finding beauty in the small moments and i get to live in a cozy, beautiful, oasis of a home in a city i love. i am paid to spend my working time talking with children who remind me to be thankful for what i have been given. i am wrapped in friendship's delightful embrace thanks to the circle of life-giving girlfriends i've met along this path. i feel happy in this moment. i feel scared in this moment and i feel richly blessed in this moment. i've always known i have been been given more than my heart can hold, so in honor of that recognition, i'm officially now going to work on slowing down, soaking it all in and relishing the beauty of my journey...knowing i'm one of the lucky ones.
starting a blog is weird. before beginning this adventure, i had to reconcile that for the most part i really am just writing and doing all this for myself. as a self-confessed non-techie person, i have to confess a secret joy that i have managed to develop a technical avenue of creative expression for myself where one did not exist before. i admit that in starting this process, i feel exposed, vulnerable, but also amazingly free. i have been reading other's blogs for several months in preparation to start this little gem, and honestly, the more i read, the more intimidated and impressed i became by everyone's ability to communicate, share and express themselves. i struggled with how to best "present" myself to the "world"- and finally landed on just being my raw, real, authentic self. so this blog is a documentation of my journey that will be true to the real girl who lives inside my heart who is trying to grow in love, grow her wings and also do these things in spite of her stumbles along the way.
a decade or so ago, i came to affectionately know, recognize and love this authentic girl within me. she looks just exactly like me, but secretly (and not so secretly sometimes) does not have the shyness, or social graces that sometimes people associate with me. this authentic girl within is the one who admits and shares real fears, struggles and the triumphs of her heart. she's the girl who sticks her foot in her mouth, does embarrassing things, secretly longs to wear sweats and hoodies all the time, sings loudly to her radio and dances like crazy around her house when no one is watching. she's the girl who really wants to learn to cook for her future husband and continues striving toward developing strength of spirit and character. this real girl within me loves to eat, drink wine and laugh with those she cherishes the most. she has a giant capacity to love, desires to develop and nurture her creative streak and relishes the opportunity to be exactly where she is in her life. this authentic girl within my heart possesses an ability to seemingly have it somewhat together, but secretly knows she is one heartbeat away from being discovered as the girl who totally doesn't.
years ago, while playing a serious game of spite and malice (cards), i explained the true identity of my inner self to my dear friend, amy. it was during this conversation that i affectionately named this true, authentic "self" Fancy- and hence, that is where the title of this blog comes from. this blog is all about this journey toward finding my authentic wings while growing in my ability to give and receive authentic love --yes, the adventures and musings of one Fancy girl.
welcome to my journey.
*ps. thank you J for the beautiful, thoughtful reminder of my lovely lot in life and for truly loving this fancy girl inside and out.
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